4 words: hood of his car
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
