great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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