You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
