he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
