I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They took my balls.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
