wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
