I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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