oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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