There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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