It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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