dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
