it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
