Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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