Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
