His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I just sharted jello shots
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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