I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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