You can't special order awesome
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
