I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
