why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
is it fun? or sober?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize