so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
