Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
