So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
