I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
