end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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