Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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