New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize