the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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