Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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