I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
