I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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