Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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