I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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