And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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