she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
