I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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