If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
