How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
