I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
