This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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