Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry GreeneyedWonder hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.

Fav 2 1671 1022
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(509): View more from Washington

Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.

Fav 11 2393 1697
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.

Fav 4 1864 1154
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(281): View more from Texas

She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

...

(281): View more from Texas

Exactly.

Fav 9 1010 2013
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(646): View more from New York

I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.

Fav 5 1363 505
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(440): View more from Ohio

I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?

Fav 3 675 770
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(352): View more from Florida

You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.

Fav 2 775 608
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(856): View more from New Jersey

I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT

Fav 0 70 19
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(225): View more from Louisiana

I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.

(985): View more from Louisiana

I feel like you're wasting time.

Fav 0 84 8
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