Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
