Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize