Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize