So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
