used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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