you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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