I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
