I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Church boner. Awkwardddd
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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