Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
