You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
