It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
