i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
