xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
