this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
