i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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