i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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