Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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