So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
