HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
