So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
