We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
