I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
