i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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