did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i out mim tonsoeep
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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