just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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