Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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