I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
