I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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