She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
