TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
