Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
