things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
