So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize