Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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