She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My bed smells like the plague
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
