woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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